I sometimes worry so much about what people think of me…that I forget what\\’s important.<\/p>\n
Like right now, sleep.<\/p>\n
I am so worried that people think I am obnoxious and irritating. That I am trying to be someone I am not. And at times, maybe I am. I always fake my way about alcohol. Trying to be a know it all. It\\’s just because I don\\’t want to be left out. So I try to amend that by being…somebody I am not.<\/p>\n
No wonder I felt so uncomfortable during my first weeks here, I didn\\’t feel like myself. And worse of all, I don\\’t know how it\\’s like to be myself anymore.<\/p>\n
A few days ago, I went for a walk in the cs buildings. And it just felt so much better, walking by myself. Exploring the building by myself. Nobody to tell me what I should or shouldn\\’t do. And it was peaceful. But at the same time, I had this anxiety that I wasn\\’t supposed to be like this, that I was isolating other people…and that I would probably be missing opportunities that get me ahead…if I walked around alone. and so I headed back to the classroom to be around people.<\/p>\n
Why this desperate need? Why? It bothers me that I always have this need to be accepted. And so I sit here. Trying to decide what happiness is. And it\\’s not when I talk to people. But it\\’s when I can feel like myself, feel comfortable with myself.<\/p>\n
I don\\’t remember the last time. But maybe it was when I spent time with Chris in August. Not Chris Wong. But Chris Co. I didn\\’t feel like I had to be funny, or smart. I could be myself and that was good enough for him.<\/p>\n
I miss the time. But not him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I sometimes worry so much about what people think of me…that I forget what\\’s important. Like right now, sleep. I am so worried that people think I am obnoxious and irritating. That I am trying to be someone I am not. And at times, maybe I am. I always fake my way about alcohol. Trying … Continue reading worry myself to death<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=135"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/135\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}