Alan said that I always tended to be unhappy. Last year, Tanner said that too. I just can\\’t stay happy…and that I am masochistic in that sense. I just seeked unhappiness almost naturally.<\/p>\n
Nothing can stay…perfect or in euphoria for me. Why do I drive myself into sadness and sorrow?<\/p>\n
Alex talked to me today as I walked into NSH. I mumbled something about why I didn\\’t attend the Easter breakfast–the so-called event of \\”rebirth\\”. It wasn\\’t because I had a meeting. If I had been feeling normal, I would have rescheduled my entire day around it. But it was because I wasn\\’t feeling that way. I wanted to head into a corner and just cry. But that doesn\\’t solve anything. That doesn\\’t do anything. That only makes me pathetic. I feel horrible a lot. And it\\’s all my doing right.<\/p>\n
Jeff said that I was too uptight and methodological yesterday. I don\\’t know what to believe anymore. I miss a lot of things, but it\\’s hard to let go of what I think is right. Lots of things are painful. I don\\’t want to be part of it. I don\\’t want to stick myself with needles. I don\\’t want it. I just don\\’t want it.<\/p>\n
And yet, I cause this drama. Only because I feel this way, if I don\\’t hold a grudge, then it won\\’t happen. That\\’s over. That\\’s constantly over. That\\’s what will happen.<\/p>\n
People aren\\’t statues. If time passes by, they change too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Alan said that I always tended to be unhappy. Last year, Tanner said that too. I just can\\’t stay happy…and that I am masochistic in that sense. I just seeked unhappiness almost naturally. Nothing can stay…perfect or in euphoria for me. Why do I drive myself into sadness and sorrow? Alex talked to me today … Continue reading cause of my unhappiness<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/203","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=203"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/203\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=203"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=203"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=203"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}