I woke up this morning in sudden anxiety, waking from a dream that seemed unreal, but yet so real.<\/p>\n
I had told my boss that I had to step away from the studio for a moment to take care of some things. My things had been moved and I needed to get them back. I said I would return before noon. So I went to take care of things and so on. But then by the time I finished, it was 4:56 pm. For some reason, time had passed so quickly and I didn\\’t even notice.<\/p>\n
I got a phone call on my phone and saw that it was a 415 number. I knew it was probably work, but I knew I was going to get a lecture.<\/p>\n
So I didn\\’t pick up and instead just hurried back to the studio.<\/p>\n
There at the front door, I found a sign saying something about how rules were changing. There was something about arriving on time at 9 am. I felt this rush of anxiety and insecurity. I knew that not many people arrived at 9 am. But then there were some that did, were they being lauded for their efforts? I rushed upstairs, feeling the dread and the doom.<\/p>\n
When I got up there, things were busy. I went to my desk, but felt like something was off. I saw my project manager in the corner huddled over something. When I went over, it was my work, but he was working on it. As if he had taken over for me. I said something, but he didn\\’t respond. Somewhat ignoring me.<\/p>\n
I spotted my boss on the other side of the room deep in conversation with the biz dev people.<\/p>\n
And alone in my space, I felt like perhaps there was something going on that I didn\\’t know. The discomfort was so great that I had to leave. As I stepped outside the building, I knew I had to resolve an issue right now. So I called my boss…<\/p>\n
\\”Hi Darcy. This is Jennifer—\\”<\/p>\n
\\”Sit down, because I have something to say. Arrive on time and you will get more work done. Don\\’t get involved in chats. Friends of friends aren\\’t necessary when you are at work…\\”<\/p>\n
And afterwards, that greater anxiety and shame…woke me up. I knew I had quality at work, but sometimes I got distracted. And there I laid, in anxiety. I think it\\’s probably because of that document I worked on earlier this week that I reworked several times because of what two managers said. They wanted something else, so I quickly churned out something. But now we spent too much time on it. I stuffed a lot of evidence and explanation in…and feeling guilty about it, my boss was taking it and just sifting it through to get the target explanations…and so what does it mean? Does it mean I didn\\’t do a good enough job? I rationalize it saying that I just didn\\’t know anybody. I was stuck in the trees and couldn\\’t see the forest.<\/p>\n
And Chris asked what was wrong as I started wandering around the bed in near-sightedness. \\”Just a nightmare. Of jobby.\\”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I woke up this morning in sudden anxiety, waking from a dream that seemed unreal, but yet so real. I had told my boss that I had to step away from the studio for a moment to take care of some things. My things had been moved and I needed to get them back. I … Continue reading Nightmares of a lecture<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-442","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/442","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=442"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/442\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=442"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=442"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}