I always wondered if my whole \\”not drinking\\” hasn\\’t led me to do things that I wanted to do…but logically knew that I shouldn\\’t.<\/p>\n
This feels like one of those moments.<\/p>\n
I know what\\’s good for me. I know he can accept me unconditionally. I know that he has everlasting presence. I know that he can understand all my weaknesses…and looks to strengthen them, not criticize them, not judge them…not put me in an uncomfortable position. And if I had to put a score on it, it\\’s pretty good…a 7 out of 10. The 3 points for the career, commitment and mom thing.<\/p>\n
And it\\’s those 3 points that makes me want to just…go and go. I can tell where everyone else will end up. They will disappoint me. They will be too self-centered. They will not reach my expectations. And most importantly, in my moments of need, they will not be there.<\/p>\n
There\\’s a part of me that wants to just capture this moment right now. And jump ahead…take two paths. Two copies of me. I want to take the risky route and learn what I can—after all, I am determined to make sure my life isn\\’t of regrets. But I want to be able to go to the safe route. I want to return to what I know will last. I want to return to what I know will make me happy.<\/p>\n
And so now…always sober…always so sober…and lucid, I tell myself to squash any feelings of looking, exploring. I should<\/i> take the safe route. I will regret not trying, but why put myself through disappointment…and to return to loneliness?<\/p>\n
I can deal with it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I always wondered if my whole \\”not drinking\\” hasn\\’t led me to do things that I wanted to do…but logically knew that I shouldn\\’t. This feels like one of those moments. I know what\\’s good for me. I know he can accept me unconditionally. I know that he has everlasting presence. I know that he … Continue reading And this is what logic says…<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-486","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=486"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}