{"id":488,"date":"2011-06-10T00:43:35","date_gmt":"2011-06-10T00:43:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/?p=488"},"modified":"2011-06-10T00:43:35","modified_gmt":"2011-06-10T00:43:35","slug":"its-strange-that-you-look-at-me-that-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/?p=488","title":{"rendered":"It\\’s strange that you look at me that way"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am struggling. So struggling.<\/p>\n

I am not sure exactly how to feel. It\\’s weird and so weird.<\/p>\n

Last weekend, I decided that I could not have this<\/i> anymore. Chris was the one that I really wanted to be with…forever. He was the companion that I had been seeking. I realize that there\\’s so many faults—but I want to look past them. Last Friday, I became teary because I don\\’t know if I could go throughout life without him—the way we shared so many things together. He is in every sense my best friend.<\/p>\n

And well hello there, Francis. I don\\’t know what to think. Considering my history, I have failed in almost any relationship with a non-asian person. Friendship or not. Sure there\\’s Joe…but I don\\’t know what to think about that.<\/p>\n

I am struggling between what I should interpret and what I should not interpret. And it wasn\\’t until that night a few weeks ago that I thought like this. For days before that, Sashimi distracted me with him giving me a hard time about so many things. I nearly ignored everything—just another guy. And I am pretty sure that I don\\’t give the wrong impression—I am just the same…I hope.<\/p>\n

But it\\’s these things that shot me…in the heart:<\/p>\n

  • The way he asked me directly to help him with the makeup-ery<\/li>\n
  • Those small compliments on my outfits—a dress, a skirt<\/li>\n
  • No hesitation in approaching me<\/li>\n
  • Our conversation over dinner<\/li>\n
  • And recently, how often he ims and txts me about mundane-ity<\/li>\n
  • And the comments about BFFS and being close<\/li>\n

    Just an overall feeling. Maybe it\\’s not much, but I cannot resist not saying something. I have to get it off my chest. Even if it will make things awkward. That\\’s who I am. Am I willing to take the risk?<\/p>\n

    I don\\’t know where he is. What is he looking for? Why me? It certainly does not feel like a friendship that I have with my male friends. It feels like something else and I have no idea what to think.<\/p>\n

    I have already laid all my cards face up—why do I have to put them face down? I don\\’t need to hide. Let\\’s talk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I am struggling. So struggling. I am not sure exactly how to feel. It\\’s weird and so weird. Last weekend, I decided that I could not have this anymore. Chris was the one that I really wanted to be with…forever. He was the companion that I had been seeking. I realize that there\\’s so many … Continue reading It\\’s strange that you look at me that way<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=488"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}