I am sitting here, struggling. I am here, a version of me stabbed me, took a part of me away. But it was in sympathy—because death is much easier.<\/p>\n
My eyes become wet when I am still, looking at what was. Those things called emotions feel like rope. They are tying me to some stand and I am having trouble walking away. They yank at my insides over and over…tricking me making me feel that there is hope soon, but there isn\\’t.<\/p>\n
Oddly enough, it isn\\’t like the last few times of breakup. I don\\’t know if it\\’s because I am more stony and jaded now. Alan msged me after more than 6 years (since 2007??) to ask me if he could ask me a question about usability. He was my first and I remember how horrible it was. How I couldn\\’t walk through Berkeley without a dark cloud above my head. I wanted to cry all the time, with my sunglasses on. I wanted to die so badly, but my sister saved me. She was there, to take my photos down and replace them with her artwork.<\/p>\n
And there it is. I am just waiting until the pain goes away. I wonder if I made a mistake. Did I? Am I missing him<\/i> or just missing what he has done for me?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am sitting here, struggling. I am here, a version of me stabbed me, took a part of me away. But it was in sympathy—because death is much easier. My eyes become wet when I am still, looking at what was. Those things called emotions feel like rope. They are tying me to some stand … Continue reading My vision is clouded<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=497"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}