As we sat across from each other at dinner at the French restaurant, I got to the point. I panicked slightly earlier when he asked me about that moment—the strange moment we had as we drove up 17th street—\\”was that a warning?\\” what about our relationship?<\/i> I had asked.<\/p>\n
Dangling our feet as we blew through the delicious mussels, I lamented about Chris and me. I have a strange mix of wistfulness and sorrow—about the end of our relationship. I am afraid of letting go of familiarity. Loneliness is consuming. And that\\’s how it was the first few months—August, September and October.<\/p>\n
And it\\’s only recently that I am starting to feel ok.<\/p>\n
Well and here is Francis.<\/p>\n
I know how I become in those moments when I become obsessive. I studied his face, his eyes. I know with time they can become something else completely and I\\’ll moan about how wrong I was. But right at the moment, I just wanted to be there with him. Grabbing his fingers and rubbing them in mine.<\/p>\n
And so I said it succinctly. I had feelings for him. I admitted that it made me question everything and I was in a mess right now. He admitted that he had feelings for me…only recently. He missed me. He thought about me. A lot.<\/p>\n
Several weeks ago, I wanted him to reject me fully so that I could get past this. But it didn\\’t go away. I thought that 6 months would resolve everything but I was here. Still here.<\/p>\n
I hated my own weakness. So I struggled to clarify with a sigh…I tried…but it came back rushing back.<\/p>\n
Logic is easy and it would be nice if that\\’s all I had. But the longing was all-consuming and I saw him in that light.<\/p>\n
As we departed later that night, I was thinking—could this be it? I wondered. But it was momentary and we just hugged goodbye.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As we sat across from each other at dinner at the French restaurant, I got to the point. I panicked slightly earlier when he asked me about that moment—the strange moment we had as we drove up 17th street—\\”was that a warning?\\” what about our relationship? I had asked. Dangling our feet as we blew … Continue reading No rushing into things<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-520","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=520"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}