I was getting more progressively unhappy. I felt abandoned initially. Then guilted. And confused.<\/p>\n
I tried various techniques but I didn\\’t understand what was going on with francis. He gave differing messages to Greg and me. Did he know that I was sharing them?<\/p>\n
It all started when I decided to call him thinking that he was going to be nearby—thinking that he was going to attend. Then he said he wasn\\’t—he was out with his boys—commonwealth. So I wasn\\’t sure. It seemed like he was trekking elsewhere—being a different person. Maybe I just didn\\’t vibe with him at that moment, but I almost just…stomped into the bar feeling sourly abandoned. I didn\\’t get what was going on.<\/p>\n
Then I couldn\\’t help but say it aloud. He\\’s not coming. He\\’s out with Commonwealth. And then perhaps all the confusion ensued. I don\\’t know what\\’s going on, but I was joking…unleashed something. Then it turned into something else.<\/p>\n
And eventually, I decided that I couldn\\’t take it anymore. And I went home. Hungry, sad…and perhaps my displeasure was increasing.<\/p>\n
This. Am I looking for a reason to end it? My cruel way? My belly aches with hunger and I desperately want to leave. But it\\’s all fake…and the bad feelings remain with me.<\/p>\n
I am struggling not to unleash my usual tirade—I think that I\\’ll talk to him. But who knows how I\\’ll feel in the morning. And I certainly don\\’t want to cry in front of him.<\/p>\n
Perhaps I\\’ll say this:
\nI am sorry about what happened. I didn\\’t mean to overstep boundaries. I can say that I was joking the entire time, but it\\’s irrelevant. But I need to set limits—I can\\’t deal with issues like this. Are you or are you not? All of this is rooted in me—I don\\’t like uncertainty. I want to find clarity. Everything in clarity. I don\\’t want to hesitate and be afraid anymore. So I just want to say…I am in.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was getting more progressively unhappy. I felt abandoned initially. Then guilted. And confused. I tried various techniques but I didn\\’t understand what was going on with francis. He gave differing messages to Greg and me. Did he know that I was sharing them? It all started when I decided to call him thinking that … Continue reading Lost in text messages<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/521","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=521"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/521\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}