And I am so distraught.<\/p>\n
I don\\’t know if it\\’s because of the last year of counseling—where I have realized that what I knew on the surface cut so deep I just want to be accepted. I just want to be liked. And that has affected every choice that I make.<\/p>\n
So the comments from camping started burning deeper after our last conversation. Our last normal conversation. Perhaps I was seeking validation during counseling and to my surprise, Yaji suggested that it was ok to move on.<\/p>\n
And then that started this whole path of destruction. So I didn\\’t respond. I didn\\’t say anything. Mostly for the fear of not being able to say anything clearly.<\/p>\n
I received texts, questions and email. Then I couldn\\’t take it anymore. On Monday, when he imed me, I had to respond. I had imagined too many scenarios and there it was. We didn\\’t resolve it in the discussion on Monday nor on Tuesday. Nor on Thursday. And nor on Thursday in person.<\/p>\n
Instead it was all tears all tears all the time. But then I woke up today and couldn\\’t deal. I wanted something to close. I couldn\\’t agree to stay where we were.<\/p>\n
So I walked over and appeared on his door step. In my most steady words, I said, \\”There has been an undercurrent for me of always wanting something more. That has driven me to feel the way I feel around you. That has affected my decision making and emotions around you. I believe that we should go our separate ways.\\”<\/p>\n
In essence.<\/p>\n
I knew that I was wavering. I don\\’t know if the words were true to me.<\/p>\n
But guilt and pain befell me as I saw his eyes slowly fill up with tears. His voice broke slightly and we lightly embraced for a goodbye.<\/p>\n
\\”I am sorry that it has to be this way.\\”<\/p>\n
These were the only words that I could muster.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
And I am so distraught. I don\\’t know if it\\’s because of the last year of counseling—where I have realized that what I knew on the surface cut so deep I just want to be accepted. I just want to be liked. And that has affected every choice that I make. So the comments from … Continue reading I choose to go<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=534"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/534\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}