I went down to Boulevard Cafe for a meetup. Because I thought, what\\’s the point of having a dinner by myself? At least have a dinner with others!<\/i><\/p>\n
So that\\’s where I found myself shortly after 6:30 pm trying to find parking in a packed parking lot.<\/p>\n
I walked in, expecting to have a social time. Then I met Christian. The first thing that he mentioned was that he had moved to the Bay Area for a job as an attorney and had broken up with his girlfriend. I wasn\\’t quite sure what to do with such public private information. But I pursued on…mostly trying to see what conversation partners I would be left. I had promised myself that I wouldn\\’t get into tiffs as I have been getting into the last few events.<\/p>\n
But I loved asking question that I asked any lawyer: do you see yourself in the same position in a few years? considering the high rate of disillusionment that I observed, I really wanted to know.<\/p>\n
At first, it was invigorating. But I could sense his douchebagness. Or well if I really think about it, he had a big ego that was covering past failures and disappointments. I hesitated at one point in our discussion of race and gender, knowing how this would push me into uncharted uncomfortable territory. I probably knew that I would be hurt. <\/p>\n
And that\\’s how it ended up. I don\\’t know how I ended up starting to discuss my ideas around point systems and meters—a belief that I had toyed with in trying to understand the human race. I knew that it probably would offend people as it was emotionless which wasn\\’t quite how I would describe it.<\/p>\n
But then Christian punched me back with a long tirade implying almost how I was a bad person. And that\\’s where it went downhill. I did successfully come out without breaking down, but I was miffed and didn\\’t talk for several minutes.<\/p>\n
But after that, I was annoyed at how I was compelled perhaps to be hurt some more. Or at least magnetically attracted toward him. That it was so so similar to my past mistakes, past boys where I thought yes, you hurt me, so hurt me more.<\/i><\/p>\n
I don\\’t like about myself as if I want to be prodded in the worst ways possible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I went down to Boulevard Cafe for a meetup. Because I thought, what\\’s the point of having a dinner by myself? At least have a dinner with others! So that\\’s where I found myself shortly after 6:30 pm trying to find parking in a packed parking lot. I walked in, expecting to have a social … Continue reading on Thanksgiving day<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-556","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=556"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=556"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=556"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=556"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}