Just like how I made the phone call to Cheez in November, I made a phone call to Tanner. And just like in November, even if I didn\\’t get to say what I wanted to say, I felt…suddenly better. Is it a feeling of closure? Or just a confirmation that he wasn\\’t being the person I thought he was being? That my assumptions were all disproved?<\/p>\n
Probably something like that.<\/p>\n
I had planned to make the phone call at 5 pm after I got off work, but instead I stared at my phone for about 2 more hours until I headed outside of my apartment, walking toward campus. It was almost a 3 minute phone call. But guilt set in, when I discovered that there was a reason for his disattachedness (that he wasn\\’t really fighting against my declaration of \\”the end\\”).<\/p>\n
And somehow it made everything just better.<\/p>\n
I hate the anxiety I feel when I am doing research with the user interface group. After nearly6 months of working with them, only now do I feel comfortable speaking up and voicing my ideas with just the graduate student. I remember the first time I stepped into the office, my voice croaked but I still got the position. I attend the research group meeting every week. And every time I go, I feel anxious. I sit down with my food (oh yes, free lunch) and drive myself into anxiety just because I don\\’t know how to make conversation. I start wonder if most people there know that I am an undergraduate and not a graduate student. Next year, I hope that I don\\’t repeat this kind of locked-down feeling. It prevents me from doing anything productively.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Just like how I made the phone call to Cheez in November, I made a phone call to Tanner. And just like in November, even if I didn\\’t get to say what I wanted to say, I felt…suddenly better. Is it a feeling of closure? Or just a confirmation that he wasn\\’t being the person … Continue reading some sense of closure<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}