I didn’t want to be percieved as difficult, but I had to say my piece. I didn’t want all the notifications and things if I had miscarried. I wanted to emphasize the negative experience I had last year although it wasn’t that many but it felt so so demeaning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your lab results are back! You’re good for pregnancy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your due date is in a month! Make sure you follow these tips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your blah blah blah was checked. Blah blah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I said all those things to the nurse practitioner, even before Chris came into the room and even before the ultrasound. Partially because I wanted to protect myself, I didn’t want to know anything until I knew that it was certain. I had already known how common it was to be pregnant and not have it work out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the last few weeks, I had been feeling like I didn’t feel very pregnant. But there it was. Always.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I thought that’s how it was going to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So maybe I wasn’t surprised, but also surprised when the NP looked around on the ultrasound and simply stated what she saw. There was the gestational sac! But it was empty. There wasn’t a fetus. It seemed to be not there. And even then, I was feeling like I failed again. Or at least my body failed. I had been anticipating this, but I had not been anticipating it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So as she was describing it, I teared up. All the effort we had put in. All of it. A second time. I would be someone who had two pregnancies, but they both didn’t carry to term. Or even barely past several weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had structured my life so nobody put pressure on me to be a parent. And so it was only me. Nobody knew. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I didn’t want to be percieved as difficult, but I had to say my piece. I didn’t want all the notifications and things if I had miscarried. I wanted to emphasize the negative experience I had last year although it wasn’t that many but it felt so so demeaning. Your lab results are back! You’re … Continue reading One year later, it repeats<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/691","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=691"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":692,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/691\/revisions\/692"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}