I know I am very hard on myself, but I feel so…useless and embarassed sometimes that I just want to completely disappear from the world. This is so avoidant rather than taking charge of the situation.<\/p>\n
So right now, I am in the art studio, one of the few places this summer where I haven\\’t embarrassed myself. At work at rescomp, I feel so…I don\\’t know.<\/p>\n
Maybe it\\’s just today.<\/p>\n
Being the lead of the technical coordinators was the kind of challenge I had always been looking for. I wanted to manage people and have significant responsibility. The problem was that I wasn\\’t that properly trained. But can I really blame all my incompentence on my lack of training?<\/p>\n
I really want to do things myself and I should really have that urge to learn. I just kind of sit passively and feel stupid afterwards. Butso it goes right.<\/p>\n
Anyway, so I arrive in Berkeley today, finding out that a cc server went down. The first thing that comes to mind is that the server went down just like how the ckc server went down yesterday. Mind you, I had hoped that it would be something that I could easily fix. Well maybe not, maybe there was some little voice inside me that said yes spend more \\”quality\\” time with chris<\/i> (I still don\\’t know what to think of him, I grumble a lot to myself, and perhaps it\\’s only my usual mistrust of people, a self-defense from getting hurt).<\/p>\n
Anyway, I went into Unit 1 and basically stared at the black box. I didn\\’t know what I was supposed to do. I felt stupid and so I went to finish my other tasks first. That is, I went to another computing center. Then I came back in an hour and stared at the black box again. I don\\’t get it, why would the server let me log in. I was confused. So I <\/p>\n
Ugh I feel so sick.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I know I am very hard on myself, but I feel so…useless and embarassed sometimes that I just want to completely disappear from the world. This is so avoidant rather than taking charge of the situation. So right now, I am in the art studio, one of the few places this summer where I haven\\’t … Continue reading ARGH sigh<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=88"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=88"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=88"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j.unoccupied.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=88"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}