There is something that bothers me way more than having my wisdom teeth yanked out (those gaps are healing fine quite nicely although my cheeks are incredibly swollen...hey, it scares little kids!). It's the inability to be independent.

By saying that, however, I might be calling myself a hypocrite. Yet as I think about my first "good" friendship, the inability to be independent irked me the most. Somehow my un-sworn enemy Jube got into my conversations yesterday. Then earlier today, I went through my old transcripts and found the last chat that I had with her over the summer. Gawwwwd, that one irked me so.
"All inquiries must be passed through my parents," she said.
I don't know why I was so pissed about that...but mostly because she was eighteen years old and that she should be able to discern whether some information should be kept private or discussed openly. It just irritates me thinking about it. There are very little things that I believe people should be ashamed about. Okay, so I would rather flaunt my weaknesses rather than desperately try to hide them. That's one reason why I tell everyone when I first meet them that I have social anxiety. Then they are prepared for the situation when I crawl into my shell. Anyway, that makes me feel more at ease. Yet there are not many things that one should be ashamed of. Geez, everyone has been desensitized by sitting through movies with used plots. A man with a daughter out of wedlock is no longer big news in this day and age. All that we expect is that he pays child support. Still, re-reading that particular transcript highly irks me.

So I failed my first drive test two years ago. I was depressed for the first twenty minutes after being told that I did not pass. However, when I got back to school, I told all my friends my outstanding achievement--the only way that I could deal with failure...or to some shame. That's simply not shame at all. And if there is something to be totally ashamed of, geez, just make a joke out of it. The transcript enforces my own belief that shame of the way one lives is nothing to be ashamed about. So you have a small house, a crappy car, a bad job...now that's all based on superficial appearances and the way you look at yourself is the most important thing of all.

Funny though, my own social anxiety is one of the major hypocritical factors of my life.

Methodically, I can feel myself start complaining more about Jube. I am probably going to see her next semester. I'll give a friendly hello and move on. Like all my current friends have told me, what is past is past. And no doubt, I have twisted that mantra into...forget the past, concentrate on the future.
Oh and Jube, don't concentrate too much on schoolwork. I found out recently that there is more to life than getting the best grades and the best honors. Quote: it's not how long you live your life that makes it good. it's how well you live your life that makes it good.

Side note: I set up my grandmother's computer. No fair, she has Windows ME and the Microsoft game, Pinball on her computer! Oh it was funny though when I set it up for her, she didn't know what a CD was and I tried explaining that it was something with information on it in broken Chinese (aka Chinglish). Hehe, she thought it was like a piece of paper and could only be used once. My broken Chinese wasn't strong enough to explain. Hopefully she won't use the CD drive as a cupholder...