My parents always said that they were amazed at how fast I recover from dreadful crisises. Really, it's all acting. I push the pain into the deepest corners of my mind, always having it return at the wrong times.

I acted a lot today. I acted like my usual self if there was ever a self to me. As we were walking up Bancroft, Marisol commented on why she answered "good" when her friend asked her how she was although she was feeling down from a heavy load of classes--"Don't act sad. You don't want other people to share your sorrow."

Such such sweet sorrow. I mean...I was able to be the outgoing person that most people knew. Hien, Marisol, Bex, Sherri, Jonathan...a new aquaintance--Amy. Even to Anthony and Jiong.
How can I cry mournfully one second, then laugh hysterically the next?

It hurts, you know...god, it hurts.