Bleh. BLAH! :(

Today I really demonstrated the PCB side of me. Yes oh dearest, tears swam down my face over the littlest thing. Something that I in reality could care less about. I AM the PCB!!!

After getting up at 9 as a result of sudden yelps and screams (my roommates just realized they overslept while I can oversleep the entire day--no classes today!), I decided that I wanted to complete one assignment for my comp sci class. I had studied a little bit about lists the night before, but then I focused on it for about thirty minutes. Not everything clicked in my head. cadr and cons became all too abstract. Hopefully I could pull the quiz on lists off.
Unfortunately, that was not so.

I went to the self-paced center to take the quiz and was ultimately distressed over the complicated problems they had chosen to give me. Instead of running out of the classroom in distress, I went through the quiz. Every problem (with the exception of the first one) frustrated me. Looking back though, I actually knew how to do each problem. It just wasn't engrained in my system.

In all CS courses, they provide one-on-one tutoring services. That was one thing that I had dreaded when I first signed up. During all my schooling years, I had avoided most one-on-one help, because of one single thing. One itty bitty thing. How will I ever survive in the real world?!

However, I finally gave up and decided to have my quiz corrected. I got a tutor with an accent who almost seemingly drew all over my paper. I had gotten nearly 80% incorrect. However, I could have another chance. Yet, as he commented on each error that I had made, my usual strong self-confidence fell and fell. Then those cursed tears fell. But my rational logical mind, the one expressed by the voice, not the face, told the tutor that I was alright...that I just needed to look at the problems some more. Oh hypocrisy.
The entire time, I wished he would turn away to ease the pressure that I got just from a pair of eyes watching my every move. Then I wished I had tissue.
Eventually after twenty minutes of yes...more breathing exercises, I finally concentrated and rapidly corrected my mistakes. Duh. Use list!!!

I think I should have told the tutor that I wasn't weeping because I was afraid of falling behind or because I was afraid that I couldn't pass the test. It wasn't that direct. Yes, I was afraid of people! HAH! And that's was why I was christened as the PCB. The Purple Crying Blob. :p

So if I suddenly cry in front of you, it means that I am afraid of you. But you shouldn't worry, my logical rational mind will say that I am okay. And I am really okay.