Today, I awoke with drenching anxiety (not sweat, anxiety). Somehow I had a dream that major social embarrassment (okay, yes that is one of my greatest fears. the other one is if Alan just spontaneously disappeared) was going to occur. You know, as a result of my dream.

Well, in my mind, it did occur. Although if you view my day from another perspective, it was just another humbug day.

Okay, major alarm. I asked the wrong question during my TA's Office Hours!!! wahoooohooooooohoooo Obviously I shouldn't analyze it, but it later irked me and embarrassed me when I found out that I had wasted approximately twenty minutes of his office hours asking a question that I already knew the answer to. Then when I started the math homework, I realized I should have asked a question on another problem. Futile anxiety, of course. Truly, whose life is really based on academic achievement. Then again, that's what people ever talk about here in this prestigous university--grades...and people.

Speaking of people, yup, it was another cause of my futile anxiety today. The scenario--deciding whether to eat alone or deciding to eat with someone and ultimately have very little conversation. Sure, be interested in them, but you spend more time trying to think of what is interesting about them and awkwardness appears making it the focus of attention. (I am reminded of the Keenan incident.) Then, you start wondering if you made the right decision by sitting down and being forced to stare at your food...because it's impolite to stare at the other person. (I found that out Monday when a girl gave me a nasty look because I accidentally stared at her too long--I just found her outfit...you know, interesting!!! Oh and we were walking in opposite directions across a street.) Then you are forced to look elsewhere and stare at other people. Then it starts all over again. Making small talk though always consists of the same topics--"where do you plan to live next year?", "any midterms coming up?", "how are your classes?". Basic ones. I was chastised recently when I asked them again although I had asked them before...and I had forgotten the answers. Doink. That's either a total revelation or total lunancy. I bet most people would pick the latter...besides who else can think like me? Not you, definitely.

As a result of such meaningless anxiety, I stayed in my room when I didn't have class. Then again, I wouldn't be anywhere else anyway.