My poor little heart (or well my liver) isn't well enough to take in all the bitterness and disappointment that's going on in my life now. My poor poor little heart.

Well, I can state that I am anti-chinese sometimes. I don't in particular like Chinese food. I would rather speak English. And most of all, I prefer to cheer for Americans rather than the Chinese. (No wonder Jason calls me white rice. I suppose all my ideas stemmed from the vague discrimination I face everyday. To most people, I am not American. I am Chinese. Tsk, and I was born here in the United States.) I remember reading about the spy plane crashing into Chinese territory. It was upsetting to me to hear that he was for the Chinese, because of a thing called Chinese pride. Hello? You're 100% American (at least in the eyes of the government). Personally, I thought China was behaving like a baby. Yet, they do have a right to scream when their pride is hurt.
Today I read about how the IOC committee was considering China to be the canidate for the 2008 Olympics. Although there is evidence that Korea improved its social order in preparation for the Olympics, history sometimes does not repeat itself. However, China is known for spreading propaganda. It's characteristic of a communist regime. Or like an authoritarian government...who wants so desperately to have a clean image even if that means secretly disposing the bad characteristics. That's almost like yanking the bad teeth out from your mouth and then claiming that you have perfectly clean teeth. China cannot hide its atrocities. I admit that I was appalled by how free speech was suppressed in China. And how the Tiananmen Square was handled. Then supposedly when the IOC committee visited Bejing , the Chinese government vehemently transported the criminals and protestors to the countryside so that the IOC wouldn't be greeted with the negative side of China. Also, in order to lower the air pollution of Bejing, the Chinese government outlawed the burning of coal leaving thousands who could not afford electricity cold in the chilly winter. How spiteful is that.

Nonetheless, today I suddenly irked when my sister related to me her story of the day. It's always hard to break the first impression, but when the first impression is forgotten, then the second impression takes over. Perhaps, I never got the chance to formally introduce myself in the dance. Nonetheless, I felt very offended when I heard that they looked past us...seemingly as if I wasn't there. Bitterness easily grows in me. Last week on Wednesday, they only ackowledged me once. Once. "Are you sure you don't want to come outside?" one asked when I was crawling in the corner. And I shook my head viciously. Then today...in a chat room, I accidentally called one of them with the wrong name. "I know who you are," she said. Reaaally. And most of all, it's upsetting to me how they ignore my sister. Oh sure there's always a reason. They were distracted. They don't know her yet. They feel uncomfortable with strangers. The list goes on. It's always what actually happens that is what I make the judgment call on. Maybe they deserve another introduction.