Deterioration.

It's supposed to be hurting me. Me only. Well, I am aware that it hurts other people too. Surprisingly though, it hurts me more. :p I have been waking up every day, dreading opening my eyes. I never liked the feeling of looking up at the ceiling. Everything is alright. It's a brand new day. Then seconds later, the worst of things come rushing back. How can I not dwell on it all? So friendships shouldn't be taken too seriously. If someone told me that they're going to something horrible to themselves, I shouldn't take it too seriously. I'll just take it serious enough to say "No, that's not cool." Then move on, knowing that they won't do it. Alas. Sucks to be bitter. I don't deserve to be anybody's friend.

Mope. Mope. Mope.

If I die, that would mean that I'll submit to the constant atrophy on my emotional well-being. At this point, I refuse to give in. Alan was right though. I never percieved my life as happy. I drag myself along each and every day only because I am expected to. Never for myself. *swallow*

Yesterday night, I went to the BIG GAME bonfire. And for the second year in a row, I went alone. Stayed for 30 minutes, then left (yes, to head to Soda) Yet, I think the bonfire is quite fruitless knowing that Cal has a losing streak. But surprise surprise, Stanford won by one touchdown. Hehe, I think Kristen probably is laughing now.

I didn't even know about the meteor shower until I signed on AIM, and read all the way messages. "Watching the meteors!" I don't see how special is that, but perhaps I am cynical. Rather, maybe it's the moment that you can peer up into the sky and see falling stars. Then you can make a wish. Hmmm...isn't that for only shooting stars?

I wish for a new life.