On graduation day, I promised to myself that I would leave the past totally behind. I would be a different person. The sixth grade terrors would not longer haunt me. The awkward years only were meant to be described in a storybook. Being quiet wouldn't be me. My alter ego was supposed to come out. Don't think too much before acting...
Yet here I am in college. I have more friends than I ever had before...I make more decisions independently. Yet, I hesitate in things that I want to do. Simple things. I no longer fear walking into a store alone, yet I fear asking the salesperson for help and even more so, being asked if I need help. Yes, those itty bitty things bother me. And still...I stay ever so quiet.

Okay, so the cause of this sudden thinking came from this immense hesitation that bothered me all evening. I watched the movie Avalon (never-ending film, just to tell ya. if you can stand story after story, this film is for you.) in the library for my English class. Somehow before and after the film, I felt sooooo introverted. Maybe it was because I was too aware. I barely said a word...and yes that bothered me. I can easily imagine myself doing my usual outgoing thing...but can I ever do it in reality when I want to? Nooooooooo!

It's been more than a month since the "bitter" incident. Of course, it has been totally ridiculous. I suppose using the "cold shoulder" is quite immature, but somehow it hasn't affected me at all. Funny, they are part of the past now too. Oddly enough, I do not know anyone now for longer than a year. But then there are the exceptions. Yet if there are exceptions...then...perhaps this thing doesn't exist at all.
Wandering mind once again.
I remember one event that occurred that night.
"This looks like a good place to jump," he said pointing to the ragged edge of the parking lot.
"Yes it certainly is. Thanks for the idea."
"You're welcome." He pauses. "Let her go with you."
"Okay, I shall keep that in mind."

Roommates are not in the room at all! Hmmm! Time to party! :)