Everyone wants what they cannot have. Why do I have to be like everyone else?
I want what I cannot have.

Sure, I am determined, but I am not ambitious. Fear makes me take a step back just in case something might explode in my face.

Just in case.

Too bad I can't track people as well during the winter break. One thing that I learned over the events of last semester...don't tell people you're stalking them.
It's a lesson well learned.

So if I get what I want, will I be happy? Ultimately though, would it turn into another disaster of insecurity and accusations? I am struggling with that thought.

Fantasies are too powerful. They make you wish upon a star. They cloak you in false presumptions.

~~~

Why I wrote this piece? I was intrigued by this journal that I occasionally read. In my case though, my first ex...was...the longest best friend I ever had. Three !@#$ing years! We all know that he might be the most stubborn person on this planet. Yet, we all know that girls are hypocritical. I was stubborn to my second ex. Wants, desires, passion, comprises, promises, guilt, lies, shame.

~~~

I am most like Frodo. Yes, it's another Lord of the Rings personality test.

Frodo Baggins is the one that is sent out to save Middle-earth.

Frodo is a hobbit who, unasked, finds himself with the responsibility for the future of Middle-earth in his own hands. Or, more accurately, on his own fingers, for he is the reluctant keeper of the One ring, forged by the Dark Lord Sauron and holding the greater part of his power.

His comfortable, rustic exterior belies an inner resolve which will be tested to the full on his journey through Middle-earth to try and destroy the ring. Unbeknown to Frodo, a circle of his close friends form an alliance to ensure that he doesn’t undertake the task alone.

Speaking of which, I updated my personality test page again. :) Now it doesn't say **** you anymore.

Ugh! I am not a human dictionary! I am not a human know-it-all!

No offense to those who ask, but...where's the brute force? There was someone who asked me how he would get to the Oakland airport. Uh...there's a page at the campus transportation page John, the guy from MSU who I met a few years ago in a Yahoo Club has been constantly irritating me with constant questions about chemistry and English. Dude, I have not taken chem for nearly three years. Then there's Eddie who has been barraging me with questions asking whether a milliliter is equal to a cubic centimeter. Yes. Yes it is! He was the one who commissioned me to write his college personal essay. :p Never again. Then comes my breaking point, "what does a mol stand for?" ARGH! If I hadn't been conscious, I would have directly gone to google.com and plugged it in. GAWD. :p ASK JEEVES, for goodness' sake!!!

Then again I brought it down upon myself.

I went with Cliff to Berkeley today...to do the usual errands in preparation for the semester. First, I went to my apartment where I parked in the yellow zone. Ugh, stupid parking ticket. I got the mail. Two bills. Yes, a PG&E bill for $125. Impossible. For an one-bedroom apartment. These are the times that I go absolutely pale.
Then I accompanied Cliff to University Hall and Sproul Hall. Lines of people waiting...impatiently. These are the times where I start suffocating. I went over to Ned's to check out the prices of the notebooks. On the way there, I called Xing. They just happened to be lunching on Telegraph. Awww! Yes!
Cliff found a ride home with his friend, Paul (who supposedly worked at Palm during the summer, never studies...can you say that I want to be just like him?)

I drove Xing and Tram back to Xing's apartment. Really really nice apartment. Everything was in better shape than mine. Yet their location was a little too far for my taste. :p Yet...perhaps, I will still find the urge to drop by on impulse. :)

So let me attempt to find what I really want.