I was the only child for about a year and two months until my younger sister was born. I don't remember being an only child at all. My parents tell me that when I first saw my sister in her wrinkly stage, I poked her and being given little response from the wrinkly being, lost interest and left to play with a toilet roll. (Supposedly, my parents were so cheap...or okay poor...that they couldn't afford toys and gave me toilet rolls to play with. Funny how simple things can amuse me so easily...even now.)
It's strange also how my sister and I are "friends". I used to call her my best friend, because no other friends could match her ability to understand me despite her inredible ability to unceasingly irritate me. Nonetheless, sometimes you gotta wonder.

Interestingly enough, she has been recently accusing me of copying her. It's ironic though how the youngest got to do the first things first. And how me, the oldest, follows behind unsteadily. I remember about a month ago at Janina's birthday (the German exchange student) how I was moaning about my desperation at not fulfilling the role of being the oldest in the family. How my sister had succeeded in some aspects. Yet now I realize it's not the maturity that comes along. Perhaps that's the way life is.

As I kept thinking about Alan, my sister made fun of me again. "That little box is so funny," she remarked. "You copied me. Rob is copying me. Krista is copying me." she complained earlier. I started it first." She complained earlier. My sister is leaving tomorrow to ski one whole day with her boyfriend while I stay home alone with the irritating company of my mother.
My thoughts are always going to be in constant turmoil. Yesterday night, it was almost painful to watch my sis and her boyfriend laugh joyously at an "immature" video of my sis in the eighth grade. It was barely a month ago that Alan was sitting down...leaning against the couch...giving so recognizable laugh. The chuckle. The giggle. The hehe that I had envisioned in my mind so long...

Today my parents dragged me to Sunvalley Mall to try to take advantage of the post-Christmas sale. We looked in a new restaurant that had opened at the entrance of the mall. Suddenly, looking at those two-seater tables...a sharp reminder of the past...

"November Rain" is playing again and it's certain for sure that I can't organize my thoughts again. The worst cliche is coming to my mind now--I have never felt this way before ever in my life....

...Don't you think that you need somebody? Don't you think that you need someone. Everybody needs somebody. You're not the only one...