I think I live in a dream. I don't think I should be a performer according to The Spark's personality test. I should be someone introverted...someone who constantly drifts from reality.

Why is it that I always have trouble expressing myself? It's kinda odd though...I imagine myself saying everything that I would never say in reality. I could confront...I could demand equality.
Yet...always always...when the time comes, I stutter...I blubber...I lose all sense. Then I resort to my usual mindless babble. Then afterwards, I re-think and re-think about my thoughts...are they silly...are they insane? They say, do as much as you can in one day so that you will always be closer to fulfilling your life's goal. Carpe diem, in other words. However...somehow I am always scared...afraid...of the immediate consequences and the long-term consequences.
Ultimate conclusion: I think too much.

I have always complained to my sister how much I disliked 'N Sync's "This I promise you", because it reminded me of the feeling I got when a slow song came on during a high school dance. Yes, I got that feeling again today at the asian dance...although I was with three other guys. I nearly declared the fact that I "hated" slow dances. Yet, I gave up and danced with Rob. The whole time though I was thinking of something...someone else. Alas, who am I supposed to listen to...my id or my superego? Again another phrase comes to mind, "Do what you can do now so that you don't need to do it later." Sigh! Jason and Steve were the odd couple though. I borrowed Steve's cell and played with it for awhile...yes, trying to discover the features. Very interesting.
Another note of the evening: I met Doris, my newfound enemy. Rob introduced me to her. She had sworn at me before online and kept asking Dan, "What is THAT girl doing here?!" Clearly, I couldn't help being insulted...yet I knew it was a joke. Yet tonight was interesting. She kept fleeing whenever I came close. My sis (Doris' animosity also extends to her) asked her, "Are you afraid of us?"
"No," she replied and fled the scene once more.
Right right. We can believe that she is not scared. Intimidated? I don't know. It was funny to me nevertheless. Most of all, I hope that I can intimidate her once more. :)