I can do it myself.

It's so obvious in the past that I always want to do everything by myself. My mother was always the aggressive type. That is if nobody could do it for her, then she did it herself. So unfortunately, I adopted that kind of code even if someone could do it for me. It was better to exert pressure on the self rather than to place burdens on others. These burdens on others made me feel very guilty that I was making them more than they needed to do.

Yet however, I suffer so that nobody else suffers.

And the main point of this discussion is the most trivial thing. Of course, I am almost done with all my finals. Almost=an ethnic studies take-home final to finish. Due tomorrow at 4 pm. I thought it was one 4-6 page essay to answer two questions. However, I looked closer and it said "each question should be each 4-6 pages". Totally sucky. Well the point is last Thursday, I came late to class and didn't get one handout. I went up the member of the group and asked if they had any extras. "No, we ran out," she said. She then gave me a look that said Sorry, now it's your responsibility to find one. Not ours anymore. Then guess what happened...I still don't have that handout. Sucky. Since I don't want to bother anyone else to borrow it (they might need it themselves) and also furthermore, I barely speak to anyone in the class. Therefore, by having someone lend it to me, I am asking a whole lot of them--their trust that I won't lose it and their belief that I would return it. The most that I have said to someone in that class is "are there lecture notes in the library?" or "wasn't the midterm hard?" Then nothing else. Also another point is, most extension students don't even live on campus (I am just a lucky one) and so it would further trouble them to have to come all the way or at least set up a particular meeting time to return that handout. Oh the trivial things always bother me.
And duh, I am not going to copy it by hand. Cooooooopy maaaaaachine!!!

Okay and now Kathy is asking me to help her set up her uclink POP e-mail. Agh!!! And over ICQ too! It's very odd you know...those who I normally talk about here never read about it. And to think, total incrimination would never happen. It's funny too...most people who read this aren't directly connected to those that I speak of. Yet still, Kathy is buzzing me over ICQ asking how to set up eudora and outlook..etc. There are Rescomp infosheets! Sigh, and to wonder how I did it. Let's see...I did it myself. Total brute force. If I didn't know how to do it, then either I figured out how to do it (after times of deterimination...total reminder, I refused to ask Kia for a total of two hours as I searched for the Internet port at the beginning of this semester...oh and yes, I always refuse to ask for directions if I am lost--then again, when am I ever lost?)...thus suffer in silence.

Sudden memory from the social anxiety researcher Zamboni (well it started with a Z...forgot the name though...), there was a man who suffered from social anxiety. It was very sad how he died. He was in a restaurant eating chicken and suddenly accidentally swallowed a chicken bone. Instead of signalling his distress (which would draw unwanted attention and embarrassment to do such a stupid thing--his greatest fear), he choked to death.