Sometimes I have this dream where it is suddenly the way I want it. But then it becomes an action movie. We\’re torn apart by circumstances. The bad guys have you. It is up to me to save you. And I try. I struggle against all the puzzles of time. The trickery behind the mask. I try so hard. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. But I wake up, and that fleeting emotion with you disappears. You\’re not mine. You were never mine.
Is this where I fall back into my bed in ridiculous obsession? A shrine? Why do I see myself almost like a pittering idiot?
And this is something that I didn\’t want to see myself. A few weeks ago, I was attached with somebody else. At this point, I came to realize that it\’s only attachment. Nothing more. And what is this now? Lust? For some reason, it helped me gotten over him.
But you seem unattainable. Why did I confess aloud today to someone we both know? Perhaps, it\’s my vision that there are only 2 months left.
There are times I say, no regrets. But isn\’t that phrase just telling me to do as much as I can in the moment. It\’s not about regrets at all. It\’s just a feeling that I did the best I could do to have that perfect life. From a movie. There are no such things as happy endings.