I am now waiting for dinner. A few hours until that main meeting with the investors is done and I am sitting outside just waiting. Because they\’re going to take us out for a free dinner. And how we say no, because we can\’t, because they\’re paying for us and they want to see us together as a team.
But the waiting. The doing nothing. I am finished with the wireframes for today. The exhausation from yesterday in trying to get the internet working took away any energy I have left. Yesterday as I was coming back, for a moment, I thought the air was crackling like electricity…that sparks were going happen and something just something would happen. And that my life, everyone\’s life would change. For better or for worse?
Well, it didn\’t. It was just a disillusion on my part as I was walking onto the Bart. Disillusioned by the flourescent lights, flickering. Flickering in the station meant to keep patrons happy, to feel safe. But you know what it really means. The cheap fare that brings almost anyone in the Bay Area. You\’re not alone.
I don\’t really need anyone. But the more I am caught in this death sentence. This waiting. The more that I feel that I am losing something. And then I get caught in this cycle of why me why me why me and I feel upset. I feel distraught. I feel rejected. And it was only moments ago I thought I was happy.