And then it reminded me.
In my new project, the project lead suggested to a (sub)group that we create a flag banner for someone going on mat leave. I immediately thought about the small art project that I did back in December—the holiday offsite. This was one of the three that people could choose. The other was a museum tour and a color theory diving.
So I tried to find the website that the artist referenced. But then memories came flooding back. I think that I created a flag about some self-empowerment, but I remember feeling sad, because it felt like I had failed. I wasn’t good enough and it felt useless to even suggest that self-empowerment.
I remember in some followup social moments, having everyone sharing what they did in the offsite. I was the only one in the group that did the banner one and it was fine really.
But it brought back memories of how I was hiding the pain that I was disappointing others and that they were going to be kicking me out. And in the end right now, I couldn’t even remember what website it was. I hadn’t even thought of that project until now. I don’t even know where that paper is. If I did find it, it would be so…sorrowful. The letters that I created when I felt like nothing at all.