From time to time, I get a feeling that I am missing on life\’s innate excitement. This usually comes from I watch other people. Particularly movies, where I sense their thrill. I wish I had some of that.
It\’s as if I am looking for someone. Just for the excitement in the getting to know each other phase. Sometimes I am curious how long-term couples handle it. How can they be okay with the same mundane things every day?
Like my parents. Every single day is predictable. How can they be satisifed with that? What is their next step forward? What is something that they want to achieve? A meaning in life?
A meaning.
¿Cuales la punta de vivir?
That came from the movie, Identity. A simple thought-provoking thing. Today my friend imed me saying that he was going to be late for the review. Last year, I had a pseudo-crush on him. Today, he told me he thought he might not make it to review…because his girlfriend\’s best friend might kill herself. His girlfriend was in Boston and the best friend was alone, with nobody. He said he needed to talk to the best friend. I offered small bits of advice. Yet what struck me was that he was already attached. The intentions are not the same.
I always seek the excitement. Four years ago, I almost started tearing my hair out. I didn\’t have the thrill as most people were supposed to have. I want to do something that would have impact on people. Did I choose the right profession? A usability designer? The job itself is so benign. I won\’t be able to change lives so immediately. I won\’t receive the immense gratitude.
What I really want to do…is write. I want to write something that will have some impact. The way some stories have an impact on me, lines from the story stay with me and they pop up at inopportune times. It makes me very contemplative.
Without a special someone, it feels like i have lost something. There is no goal. There is nothing.
I hate sitting in the darkness, flinging my arms widely for some kind of support.