During my first year of on the job, I was freaked out by the constant presence of alcohol. Somehow I had acquired some disdain of the entire college experience of drinking. I didn\’t like the idea of me not having control. Perhaps that\’s indicative of a type A personality. but still. I hold grudges too easily. I judge too easily.
So on Halloween 2 years ago, Peggy had drank several gulps of rum and coke while in Castro. I was against the entire thing and was…apalled. But I didn\’t say a word. While Shinelun went to get the car, I stood next to Peggy and Patrick. Peggy groaned suddenly and said that she wanted to lie down. Then she looked at me and mumbled, \”You\’re right…don\’t drink alcohol.\” Then she laid on the ground and passed out. Patrick put her head on her lap…sort of taking care of her. And somehow we got into a discussion about alcohol. I said how I didn\’t want other people to take advantage of me. At that time, I was still trying to forum my own opinion of the entire thing. I remember Patrick arguing how I was so paranoid. How I underestimated people. At that time, I even said that if a close friend had drank too much…I wouldn\’t take care of them. But I don\’t know now. I feel too selfless.
But back to that. This summer, I wanted to make more money so I had signed up for the technical coordinator job. Patrick was the lead…but I did it anyway. We hadn\’t really spoken that much since that day. But perhaps it was the fact that we never really were friends. So today we had to finish setting up the computing center. I kept worrying that I was messing up and made a few knowledge errors along the way. Oddly enough, Patrick always seemed professional and compassionate about it. Very timely and all. I didn\’t know what to think about it. I guess boys don\’t hold grudges?
Anyway, somehow I was able to finally ease myself into a comfort level. The past few days, I kept mostly silent and made a few comments. Nothing really expressive of my own p ersonality. I didn\’t feel comfortable being my outgoing self after having worried about being so obnoxious. And somehow…it was ok.
On Friday, one of the other coordinators had jokingly bought in two bottles of smirnoff\’s ice. I always pretended to be normal so I commented that it didn\’t have that much alcohol. It was just \”grown-up\” lemonade…just some kind of liquid for the taste. So as things were winding down today (after I had finished ghosting the kiosks), Patrick went into the back and called my name. I poked my head around the corner and he asked me, \”Jenn, you want one?\”
Perhaps he forgot. He held out a bottle of the smiroff\’s ice. I smiled and gave a small laugh. \”no…no…it\’s ok…already celebrating?\”
It was very bad. To be drinking on the job, but I didn\’t say anything. I never say anything.
And with that, my grudges disappeared.