Suddenly I am afraid of growing old. My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer recently. This is the second time the doctors found cancer. She is having surgery on July 1. My step-grandmother Maria has been in the hospital for more than a week now because she had problems with her intestines. I don\’t know why she relented and decided to go on a trip to China when she had all these stomach pains. After she returned, she felt so sick and had to go to the hospital. Doctors found a tumor in her lower intestines…possible cancer. She already had cancer twice before–breast cancer and colon cancer. My grandfather had prostate cancer. And I was sad when my grandfather was telling my mom how his eyes don\’t feel good. They had become infected and red…he neglected his own health because he sat by Maria\’s side all the time. My mother suggested that he go buy medicine for his eyes, but I could tell that his nodding was only so that my mom wouldn\’t worry. I suggested quietly to my mom that we go buy it for him…and we went. Later I sat with my dad in a small waiting room while Maria was being seen by a doctor, my dad told me how my grandfather was in good health when my late grandmother was in the hospital all the time. I observed that my grandfather seemed to be ok…my dad looked at my surprise. \”Everything is probably going downhill after this,\” he said.
He told me how my grandfather had to take a handful of pills each day. Pills to control his diabetes, his blood pressure, his asthma, his joints, his difficulty swallowing…
That made me fearful. Is that how it\’s going to be like when I am 80 years old (if I reach that age). Will I have to wake up every morning and take that many pills? Is it really a blessing to live such a long of a life? Immortality doesn\’t mean good health. When I did that fmri study a few weeks ago, the guy asked me if I was on any medication. I was slightly surprised. Why would I be? I said no. He asked me what was my state of health. I didn\’t know how to answer so I said \”excellent\”.
Yet at the same time, there are parts of myself that I may neglect. I don\’t work out as often as I should. I don\’t always eat healthy (although I tend to avoid junk food naturally, because I think they\’re disgusting in the first place). I don\’t drink enough water. And…I forget to floss. Am I bound to the same fate as my family? As old age approaches, does that mean I\’ll be submitted to an onslaught of cancer or other \”self-inflicted\” diseases?
I would hate the day I have to wake up and have my own personality suppressed by chemicals.