I am leaning toward being an atheist. It\’s hard to decide what to believe.
But the point is…I feel like if I actually confess that to my parents, they would be distraught, but not totally surprised. Yet, I don\’t really want to do that.
I do their bidding just like good children do? To attend church even though I don\’t believe in the religion? Take part in all the rites? To me, it seems wrong. That I shouldn\’t do the motions just to appease my parents because it\’s all sacred. and out of respect, I should remove myself from it. That\’s why.
Yet I don\’t want to seem stubborn and refuse to go. On Christmas day.
I didn\’t participate in Confirmation. At first, it was more because I didn\’t want to spend so much time preparing for it. But then ultimately, it was more because I didn\’t want to put myself through something that I didn\’t believe in. I didn\’t want to lie to myself and go through the motions for somebody else.
And fortunately my parents have let me decide. But
then
it seems so trivial with other things in the world.
I am too moral.