I came downstairs to the kitchen today and I just suddenly felt this bitterness come over me. Is it hatred? Is it disgust? Is it my feeling that I have never felt so pushed over, so twisted?
I can maintain this outer shell of \”niceness\” toward everyone, but my words would be clipped and curt.
It has been just over a week since Marina confronted me about how I didn\’t listen to her request of leaving in the afternoon. I am still bitter that she pushed me, and that she got upset over such a little thing. Especially when she didn\’t ask me early. It seemed from our previous preferences that she wanted to leave as early as possible. Then as the deadline came close, she suddenly wanted to leave in the afternoon. Granted, she wanted to do some work. Yet, by Thursday night, I along with other people wanted to leave Friday morning. And it is tough like that. Because we got the car at 9 am, I thought it would be useful to have everyone leave by 10 am. And did that happen? Did it ever happen like I said it should? Of course not.
And yet so I had come back to the house that Friday morning at 10:45 am to discover that Marina was COOKING. OK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WORK? As a result, I lost my respect. How could I stand someone who got so self-absorbed that she didn\’t consider what other people wanted? Why does the world have to revolve around her?
That Friday night, Carol came up to me room while I was working on the cd stickers. She started asking me why we were leaving so early. I was surprised, because she didn\’t usually do this. So I asked her whether it was because of her and whether she wanted to leave early. She said it wasn\’t her, but she said that she knew other people wanted to leave later. I pressed and asked her how and who was this about. It turned out that Marina had been mad at me…and was fuming. WTF, I thought. I started thinking that it was probably the alcohol that got her all upset OVER A TRIVIAL THING.