When I visited, I felt accepted yet…I felt so awkward. I have had this knot in my throat lately that I don\’t know what I am doing and whether what I am saying is right.
On Friday, I met up with so many rescomp people. First I had lunch with chwong at Naan \’N Curry. On the way there, we saw Hana. Then we stopped by the rescomp office and there I saw nobody…just people I never connected with like Jerjou. Then we headed to Telegraph. Afterwards, I walked with chwong to the career center which I probably made him late for. Then I realized I called up cliff, but then I realized that I had to move my car. So I walked all the way from Dana/Bancroft to Parker/College to move my car. On the way there, I ran into Allen and Jason as I walked past the RSSP building. It was a strange moment as I turned around thinking I heard someone I knew. I was wearing my blue camisole with my H&M jacket tied around my waist, looking very sporty with my visor. I took off my sunglasses and greeted them…saying, \”What are you doing here!\” The typical statement for a surprise. \”It\’s an april\’s fools joke.\” We went our separate ways on the corner of channing/college. I drove down to dana and parked. Then I spent the next 2 hours sort of sitting in Cliff\’s apartment talking…and then watching him play Warcraft. Meh. Then I got a call from Angie. But she said she was doing errands, so I decided to head up to Foothill CC first where i dropped Cliff off along the way. There I met up with Lillian and Dimas. Typical rescomp stuff. then I went to the office and circled around and around looking for parking. As I walked toward the rescomp area, I was engulfed in anxiety. Here I was, a place I left deliberately and yet in nostalgia. The office was full…full of people. People I didn\’t recognize. Of course, mostly male. I got there and saw Kenneth, Allen (again)…and Sean. Then the others…Pat. And then…I saw crisco and the rest of the root team. The people who knew me (as a friend) acknowledged me, but otherwise they ignored me. The typical rescomp style right?