Ugh, of course anything goes bad.
I am sensitive, I admit it. And of course, i overreact. I am insecure. I am all of that. I know it.
So for the past summer, I have always been noticing that Jack was acting a bit strange…in ways that made me feel uncomfortable. I wish he kept his distance.
On Monday, during the first day of orientation, he complained to students about Ellen. I disagreed. There were good and bad about her and it seemed like he totally discredited her. He started bantering, finally confessing that it was the groups that he was in that made the class bad.
I frowned upon that privately.
So tonight when I came back, I saw his reply to an earlier e-mail I sent him. I had asked him about his schedule, but somehow he started arguing about how I wasn\’t assertive in asking for funding and that the money should be rightfully ours. Because \”first dibs\”. I thought that was unfair, because phds obviously have it first. So I imed him telling them I thought it was too pushy and unfair. Then at one point, he accused me of not being sure of myself, saying that I should be putting up a fight. Alluding to my well-known insecurity. I felt hurt and betrayed. I didn\’t like it when he went on and on about it. I told him to stop. He did eventually, but the damage was done.
It\’s little things like these that make me distrust people. I can\’t help it, but I just wanted to distance myself from him. That avoidant side of me. I wasn\’t ready to confess to him about all my insecurities and I didn\’t want to bother with it.
I told him bluntly that I felt uncomfortable…and almost alluded to the fact that I didn\’t want to work with him anymore. I had lately sense this weird feeling around him that made me uncomfortable. So it goes. I feel brutal.
Let\’s get this over with.