It\’s almost one year since I first left the Bay Area for Pittsburgh. It was one year since I left Chris Co. And then one month later, we basically had a pseudo break up even though we were never together.
I would like to say that August was a mistake. Yet, strangely enough I don\’t feel that way. I have little regrets except for the horrible feelings of attachment I endured after I moved east. The moments I spent with him made me feel so much whole, more complete…but now I wonder if it was a facade. It made me feel like I had a best friend. And naively, I believed I could even though he had a girlfriend.
I never actually trusted him with this url, so he never had it. I miss the moments we had, but it almost seemed false.
The odd thing was that it was a weird moment, but I felt there was something with Noah when I returned. But that was too subtle for me to even determine and I didn\’t want to pursue something that was worthless. I just remembered thinking it was strange that Noah would come all the way to Pittsburgh to see me especially if his friends would go back home during that time. And most of all, how we hung out almost each time as if it was the last time. But platonic as it goes.
Tomorrow is the first day of orientation for the incoming students. Hopefully it will be ok…but we\’ll see..