Will I see Ben again? When I do return, will I want to see him? Will I make the effort? Or would the intimate relations that we shared get in the way?
Yesterday, I randomly called Andy up and asked him if he wanted anything from our house because we were trying to get rid of everything.
He said he would be over in a few minutes. Which actually was almost 45 minutes. And we talked, went to dinner. It was nice. Always so nice to spend time with Andy. And somehow I knew that I would want to see him again when I visited Pittsburgh. I couldn\’t say no.
But with Ben? Would it be awkward knowing that I couldn\’t let myself sit next to him and suddenly collapse into kisses? Having my head against his shoulder, running my fingers through his hair? Flings are not my thing. But perhaps all I want is a real relationship. And not feeling used.