Both physically and emotionally.
I have a toothache and perhaps it\’s good that it\’s distracting me from the cuts, the tears of my attachment to Ben.
I only like him, only like him so much because he\’s there. Because he\’s around. Because he\’s all I can see. He makes me feel so good. I am starved for attention, I know.
Yesterday, he came back from the bathroom, walking toward me. \”I don\’t want to get emotionally attached. Maybe I am already.\” I said. And he led me to his bed anyway. Ignoring me.
\”I didn\’t intend to stay the night,\” I said.
It hurts. My tooth hurts. But it hurts even deeper that this thing between him and me isn\’t lasting. I wish it would just fade. If we were in the same place, the same city…it would fade. But it isn\’t. And it\’s a swoop, bam, it\’s broken, it\’s in pieces. I am severed. He doesn\’t feel the same way. I could tell in his eyes.
He didn\’t shave yesterday and his rough skin rubbed against mine, reminding me of the reality. We aren\’t really the same type. And this can\’t really last.