I am back in the Bay Area. Feeling a little moody. A little lost.
They say it\’s a shock, a culture shock. I have been here for a week before during the last 2 years, but now it\’s more just because I know of its permanence. I am not going to be leaving here, well not anytime soon. And it makes me all that unhappy.
I am dependent on people. I wish I wasn\’t.
I have friends all over the place, but I know it\’s always me trying more than the other. People don\’t really miss my presence. It\’s me missing them. It\’s me staring at the buddy list, knowing that I shouldn\’t bother people, because I already bothered them yesterday, this morning, an hour ago. Everyone is organized right? Maybe we don\’t need to keep in touch so easily. We say so much, but we don\’t really mean it all.
Keep in touch? Foolish words.
I am lost among my flings. The boys of the last few months. I crave their presence, but that won\’t really make a difference. I am waiting. I am waiting until it will be over.