Trying to figure out when my infatuation is going to stop. I won\’t let myself get too involved. It\’s not really about what I feel about him but how he makes me feel.
And that\’s all it is. They often say that when couples move from infatuation to something greater–the switch from honeymoon period is when there is conflict. One person is ready to move onto the next phase. The other isn\’t.
I do truly miss Chris. In all the times we spent together, there has never been any doubt that his attention was elsewhere. In person that is. Always always, he had his full attention on me. Not even when we were with his friends. Or games, sports, anything…
I, on the other hand, have a shorter attention span. At his friend\’s holiday party, I got sucked into talking with everyone else except him. Even at the oyster shucking, I spent a good portion talking to other people.
Despite all the faults I complained about earlier, I am already seeing beyond all that. I have bought those faults to him in some way. And I feel bad that he doesn\’t see any faults in me…that I am just…that Jenn. At least not consciously.
What they say. He is everything and carries the potential to be the man he wants to be. But despite all of that, he is what he is now to me and what he will be to me.
Wherever we walk, his hand next to me searches unpretentiously, unassuming for a waiting hand. No hesitation. That all he wants is to hold someone close.