At least this is how I think friendships die in my life.
At some point, I lose interest in the friend. This is where I have lost respect for the friend. This is where I become aware of my own insensitivity. I know that I really dislike something…that I really dislike something. But what can i do?
I know that I am not supposed to have these feelings. I know that these feelings lead to anxiety…which quite easily equates to disaster. This is exactly what happened to Lester. I only kept him around because he showed up and I value people who show up. But he had intense flakeiness. And other behavior things that I don\’t really quite approve of.
I know that it\’s one of those scenarios that I don\’t really like people who are different from me. But I am wrapped with guilt. It weighs on me.
Until it doesn\’t. Until I have walked away. Until I have ended the friendship. There is guilt about the broken shards yes. The things that I have to give up in order to end the friendship. But I have no guilt.
But the process to hurt someone just because I felt like it? Well I don\’t know if that\’s very humane. I am trying my best to control it. Very hard.