Yesterday, I got a year older, closer to forty. Which feels like…well I am not sure. But yesterday, a former coworker Ahsan messaged me wishing me happy birthday. When I first met him almost 2 years ago, he was 23. In a relationship that eventually ended up in a breakup. At the time, the way he talked about it, being pushed around and demanded to do certain things, I could see the disaster. It was and I was glad that he became self-aware. And yet, I know very similar to how I was as a twentysomething, he had this weird deep thoughtfulness that felt both naive, insecure and self-determined at the same time. Part admiration, but part I wanted to chide him for thinking that he was right in the way that engineers think they are.
I guess that it wasn’t expressing a sense of curiosity? Whatever the case, he shared stories about his experience, particularly the end of that toxic relationship. In response, I shared the essay—the Washing and Drying Over and Over Again, originally intended for Modern Love.