I decided to simply dive in. Â That new job.
I expected that it would be similar to my previous gigs—all the freelance ones where I would be dragged into deep messes.  And worst of all, I would start to regret my decision.
But it’s clear that something is different.  Or perhaps it’s the first time in a long time that I have been treated well during my first week.  I can’t recall the last time when I felt treated this way—as a valuable employee.  It certainly wasn’t at the startup, nor was it at the design consultancy…maybe the next one, but was it like that at Palm?  I remember feeling dumped at my desk without anything to do.  Then in 2 weeks, I took off to Peru.
I am getting this message: “You’re valued here. Â We need you.”
Which for pretty much anyone makes you want to give back. Â And whatever the case, my words actually matter. Â It’s as if the position was made for me and my beliefs. Â If this wasn’t here, how could I fit anywhere?
“We’re so lucky that you were attracted here,” they say.
And I wasn’t?  What surprised me was that it was my top choice, but I started having doubts and I didn’t know what to think.  Sure, I can be thoughtful about anything.  And deeply engaged and passionate.  What strikes me is why they wanted me.  I asked once in that desperate call right before my offer.  I can imagine the direction, “Convince her.”
And who knows, James was able to hear my anxieties and address each one. Â “I’ll figure out the salary thing,” I said hesitantly, because I didn’t want to appear as a moneyhogger.
Even then. Â It’s not the money. Â It’s about how money reflects status and seniority. Â I didn’t want to be paid less than my equivalent.
They are rubbing my ego a little too well. Â And perhaps taking advantage of my talents. Â At least I hope so. Â I mean, it’s only the end of the third day, so I hope that it means well. Â No fears.