Suddenly today, I felt like all the guys I know in my life right now are UNDATEABLE. Almost all seem like annoying brothers. They have that smell to them that doesn\’t attract me at all.
Then I wonder, maybe they view me as the annoying sister? 🙂
Justin maybe is the only one who hasn\’t fallen into that category. Well not really. I am probably the weird sister to him though.
Lately, I have been reminisciening of Crisco. Suddenly, it is smarting again. It was definitely not because of v-day, was it? As I listen to my music, the majority of which he gave me, I remembered how we had the same music tastes. And suddenly, there are moments that I could seem to be sharing with him. And yet, why can\’t I remember when we had the awkward moments. He was the last person that I could remember…where I felt so happy and satisfied after talking. The kind of talk where you are breathless and slightly pink. Because you loved every single moment of it. I am still seeking that, but I can\’t find it.
I booked my tickets for CHI the other day. Because I am returning to the bay area before going up to Portland, I figured that I would drop in at the rescomp office again on that Friday. I planned that I would wear my hat. But then if I saw him…I would…say \”Hello\”. Something simple of course. But then right now…
I just don\’t know what to do. It is painful. I still like him even though we don\’t talk anymore. And I got mad at him and I thought I lost my respect for him. But I guess what was created can\’t be undone. There hasn\’t been many people that I could talk about random babble.
But then wait. Didn\’t I stop talking to him because he just didn\’t talk anymore? He just had nothing to say? And when we talked on the phone, we didn\’t say a lot and I found myself talking the entire time. What is wrong with me? I never thought it was that hard.
People are always blinded when they\’re in relationships. I am blinded because I thought I felt something. But I only felt what I believed I should feel. When are feelings ever real?