I think I freak out when I am really stressed. Or mostly I hate it when I don\’t have control of things. I don\’t want to be percieved as a slacker.
I can see things as a challenge, a wall that cannot be broken. And I would say that path is too difficult. Why try? I feel easily defeated.
I am a writing a paper for ubicomp as part of my research group, but I am lost. It\’s mostly because the paper doesn\’t have any structure yet and we\’re creating it out of thin air. Actually, the phd student is creating out of thin air. So am I writing it for him or for what I think should go into the paper?
I did some casual lit review and was defeated at how our research is so unsupported. Am I that defeatist? We haven\’t incorporated the user research I did into the interface. Maybe it\’s because I didn\’t push hard enough. Push harder. This is my chance to glow. But why don\’t I? Because I am insecure about my ideas. I don\’t know if I am taking the right path and I push out my ideas…but with this insecure \”I don\’t know if…\” And surely that undermines my argument.
I must try to be more assertive. I also need to do more lit review.