And my friend says it\’s because I like what I cannot have. I want what I cannot have.
I know he won\’t last for me, because he doesn\’t invirogate me, he doesn\’t provoke me, doesn\’t make me feel that I could be a better person. It\’s nothing like feeling complete. And yet, I feel drawn.
They say you can\’t do anything about attraction. That it just comes naturally, but why this? Why? Do I just falter easily?
Right now, I wonder why I feel so sad about coming back to Pittsburgh. I haven\’t really felt like this, a feeling of bottomless pits…since…Alan left me for the first time. Or I don\’t know when I left Minnesota that summer. It was the feeling that fun has ended and I probably won\’t experience the same thing again.
My friend says he\’s a \”what i feel like\” kind of guy. And isn\’t it just that? I don\’t want to be caught again…like Marina. I don\’t want to be the one where…he just says \”I like you too\” because he doesn\’t know how else to respond.
Always better to let it be.