I don\’t want to be pigeon-holed. What happened to my former ability to attract so many people? What happened to my charisma? It just seems like I have shrunken, shriveled into a pile of depressing mush.
My former spark is replaced by insecurity and a great lack of confidence.
I met someone named Mike at chi. He was cool…and maybe I manipulated myself into thinking he would be cool to hang out with…I ended up hanging out with his brother and Jack that Friday going to the waterfalls. That was nice, but I didn\’t feel that much connection with Mike. There was just this weird distance between us…a disconnect.
So I got his phone number and im, but none of that progressed too much. We did im each other now, but I see it dwindling. Today, he mentioned that he thought I was innocent. I get that a lot so I passed it by…but then it was in the context of his impression of me. I demanded to know what made him think I was innocent. The fact that I don\’t drink? What sucks is that…is that really the impression I give? That I am too pure? Aren\’t people supposed to be past their undergrad college years? Does my \”innocence\” turn people off?
He launched into a conversation about a one night stand he had (or not? I couldn\’t tell if he was joking). And that totally turned me off.
But alas pain. The bittersweetness lies in my desire for morality.