I met him at Barnes and Noble last week and ever since, he has imed me almost every day. Sure it doesn\’t usually bother me, but every time…I don\’t know whether it\’s because I am sensitive or what, but I just can\’t feel any connection. Sure I talk about my intense situations almost eliciting a response of sympathy. A feeling that I am someone they can trust, someone allowed in their internal secrets. That\’s what I usually get. I usually get the response of it feels like i have known you for so long when…in reality you may have only known me for a week.
But the thing is. I can\’t feel the connection with him. and at this point, I am not even talking about the \”romantic\” connection. It\’s the fact that I feel disconnected from even as a friend. He doesn\’t really understand why I do things and the reasons behind them.
I was highly insulted today when he dampened my enthuasism when I said that I wanted to wait to see the Tiger release at the apple store rather than go to dinner with him. He could have easily asked if he could go with me to the release, but no…he excused himself and went to dinner instead. So the thing is…ok repeat, rinse? He said something along the lines of \”in turkey: the way to a man\’s heart is through his stomach.\” I didn\’t really say anything in response, because I didn\’t want to go that route. And almost at once, I felt slightly insulted. Could he be implying that the girls he date must fit into the traditional role of…mother/housewife? Someone who cooks, who takes care of the children?
It worries me. But then I don\’t have to pursue this path if I don\’t want to. I just have to remind myself that it\’s ok if I don\’t. Also, he\’s so conservative than I am. I admit that I am socially conservative, but I am very politically liberal. I don\’t indulge myself in certain things in my life, but I believe the world should change accordingly…to make life better.
and so i did end up going to the apple store with him. I met up with him at a nearby cafe. The first thing he said to me was..to ask why I looked worried. I wanted to say…bluntly that I just felt uncomfortable with this entire situation that we just couldn\’t connect…and perhaps we should just end it here. But I decided that was silly, that it was just friends after all.
Eventually, we took the shuttle. At one point, in my hidden frusturation, I blurted out that I wasn\’t afraid of him last week…that I was more wary of the consequences of such an interaction because of the implied consequences. But now it was ok, the only problem was that….him not understanding my sense of humor was making me feel uncomfortable.
But there\’s nothing really that I could do, but accept him.