\”Why would you ever want to meet someone you don\’t know?\” my friends often asked.
They didn\’t understand, so I didn\’t give a satisfying response. I knew them. That\’s why I met them. They understand me better than you do.
I played a lot of Jimmy Eat World during those days. The lyrics described my isolation, my loneliness, my desire to connect.
My days of craziness are over. I don\’t want to spend time on something that consumes a large portion of my time. I just want it to happen in real time. Easier and less stressful.
Every so often though, I am intrigued by someone. I read a blog, a journal. The thoughts written on the page reflect exactly how I feel. That\’s the way I always am, seeking to be understood.
I stalk the page, the website. Then after awhile, I start wondering what would happen if I did meet that person in real life. Would connect immediately like how the words connected immediately with me?
There was one instance where I found a journal so fascinating that I had left comments and my e-mail address. We both went to Berkeley and met up quite easily. But to my surprise, he wasn\’t what I had assumed he was online. Perhaps, my friends\’ warnings were right. He was so deep and prophetic online, but so superficial and shallow in person. I was conflicted.
Despite George Santayana\’s quote being in my profiles, I can\’t help but repeat the past. I know I will want to meet those people, just like how so many teenage girls have fantasties of meeting their dream boys. I believe they can be wonderful and great. Online mysteries to be real friends.
Good thing I have a car.