counseling and boat dance

I rarely write about something that has been completely done with. But as part of the counseling, I am supposed to write about the appointment.

In the last session, I had felt that my counselor was unfocused. For some reason, I didn\’t feel like I was the special patient that I had been before. The patient that was the one he looked forward to seeing the week I had an appointment. Was it because I had been there too many times? More than what other students usually see a counselor on a regular basis? But nonetheless.

After that last session, I suddenly went into a slump. I don\’t know why it was so influential. Normally, only huge things affect me like that. To make me feel so helpless and hopeless.

So during today\’s session, I bluntly asked how his interviews went. I had thought that the reason that he was unfocused last time was because his mind was on other things. And also, it seemed like he was relying on books rather than the behavioral task before.

Anyway, it ended up making me somewhat resentful. So today, I bluntly told him about it. That I felt uncomfortable. Was it the glasses or something else?

—

I am writing half-asleep. There was a boat dance today and I was surprised at the fact that…I could say I had fun. Well, not as much as I could have if I went with people I really liked being around. Karen had told me to get to the BART by 4:25 pm. And I told her that i might be late because of the counseling appointment. Yet, I was able to get dressed and everything by 4. I got to the BART right at 4:25 and to my surprise, nobody was there. Anderson found me a minute later. Then along came Yeh, who I blantantly ignored (I whispered to Anderson that Yeh and I weren\’t speaking just to remind him). Then a new guy came. Thomas. For the longest time after that, I kept thinking he was Josh because Thomas looked like Josh from work.

I almost called him Josh too.

Anyway, Karen arrived 15 minutes late. The irony of it all was that Karen had told all of us to be on time. 4:25 pm sharp. Instead, we left at 4:38 pm. I was slightly irritated, but eventually let it slide. What could I do anyway?

We got to San Francisco. The whole ride there, I talked with Karen mostly. Thomas and Yeh sat in front of us with Anderson sitting in a seat to the left. Karen and I used the BART window to fix our hair and makeup. Well, I couldn\’t even figure out the makeup.

So when we got to Embacadero, I told everyone (Yeh indirectly of course) that the bus fare was $1.25. Everyone looked freaked out. I had prepared in advance and had two dollar bills and change.

All of us got on the escalator. Well mostly I pushed my way through with Thomas trailing me from behind. We got out and I reminded him of the exact fare needed for the bus. I pointed to the nearby Starbucks and he went inside to get change for his $5. I saw him push the door when it said pull. Details yes.

Okay, I am too sleepy. But surprisingly, I guess I tried a little bit to get to know him. Successful maybe. I don\’t know. We talked sporadically and gave each other focused attention. But perhaps it was because we didn\’t know anyone else at the dance besides Karen and Anderson. He laughed at my stupid jokes. And we looked out together at the sights around the bay as the boat cruised through the waters.

He took the bus back with me to my apartment in Berkeley. And we traded aim sns. I almost thought he was going to ask for my number, but I think we\’re both wimps. I don\’t know what will come out of this, but all I know is that I like the way he smiles.