I know all I want is a human touch.
When I came back this morning, Naim imed me. We have been starting to talk again. He thought it was funny how I would talk about how Ben is not right for me…for hours…then suddenly the following day, I would say that I flung with him.
I do think Ben isn\’t the right choice for me. But because there are no other available prospects, he seems so much better in my eyes. And sitting here at 10:30 pm on Wednesday without any work to do, without any pressing needs, I just feel this loneliness seeping in.
Yesterday, around 12:45 am, I was lying next to him. He was satisfied for the moment. I wasn\’t. I said that I wanted to sleep. We read a bit of Pittsburgh together. No romance. Just lust. No meaning. But this time I let go of my conscience because like anybody else, I don\’t like being alone.
I know how intoxicated I can when I stand near him. His natural scent. Possibly soap. And there, I want more of that.
I am simple. I want that farflung romance, possible in movies. But where is it for me? Where will I be satisfied? Where can you give me that? Where can Ben find it for me when I know he can\’t? When I know he is leaving?
Thank god that he didn\’t listen to my words. Give me some sweet nothings, won\’t you?